


A Mabel In The Bush Is Worth...Uhm...Wait...Is That How The Metaphor Goes?

by Colorfullyminded



Category: Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon & Comics)
Genre: ....actually more like breaking and entering in on someone, Aged-Up Character(s), Basically Mabel meeting Wirt for the first time, Dialogue Heavy, Everyone always writes Dipper getting in trouble, F/F, Humor, I just wanted to write something fun and kind of awkward, I promise it's not as bad as it sounds, Lot of teasing banter, M/M, Mabel basically dunks on her brother, Mabel is a problem, Mabel using humor to divert from the awkwardness of finding her brother in bed with his boyfriend, Or walking in as someone's about to do something, Pinescone with a hint of Mabifica, Walking In On Someone, awkward siblings, but Mabel is so chaotic she would totally break into her brother's room just to get to her own room, but nothing actually happens, in the worst most awkward way possible, rated T for some sexual implications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29190543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colorfullyminded/pseuds/Colorfullyminded
Summary: She swung herself until her shoe landed with a soft thump on the window’s sill, and began to pull herself through.“Hehehe, that tickles~” Came the breathy voice from the bed.Mabel rolled her eyes. It wasn’t often that her brother would sleep talk, but he had been known to do so in the past, often after days of insomnia. She continued to pull herself through his window, unperturbed, but stopped in her tracks when--“I can’t help it, when you look like that-- so breathless, so desirable-- I find it hard not to lavish you in sweet surrender. I just want to listen to you laugh forever.”That was not her brother’s voice!Mabel froze in place, her eyes widening, face paling.No…no way!
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines/Wirt (Over the Garden Wall), Pacifica Northwest/Mabel Pines
Comments: 5
Kudos: 60





	A Mabel In The Bush Is Worth...Uhm...Wait...Is That How The Metaphor Goes?

It was late.

It was nearing 1am.

Mabel crossed the parking lot of the Mystery Shack, acting like a world class spy from a cheesy 80s movie. Ducking behind the beaten up golf cart, she glanced left and right across a quiet, distilled field, as if there would be guards roaming about, searching for her whereabouts; the coast was clear. Of course it was, it was _nearly 1am._

Besides, Ford protected the shack with enchanted Unicorn hair-- which was to prevent against supernatural intrusions.

Not against great nieces returning after a night of... _shenanigan_ s.

With another quick scan of the perimeter, Mabel tucked and rolled into the open. She landed squarely on her haunches, in broad moonlight, then made a mad dash for the familiar triangle window on the second story.

She had told her family she’d be hanging out with friends for the night-- which was not necessarily a lie. She was spending time with a friend-- a very special...very lovely shaped friend, who smelled like citrus and champagne.

Mabel sighed wistfully, recalling the night-- before shaking her head, and focusing on the task at hand. There would be time to recall in the privacy of her bedroom, but right now-- _Right now, Focus Mabel!_

And granted, she was 21 now, and if she wanted to stay out all night, neither Ford or Stan could-- nor would-- stop her. But she had acted like her late night rendezvous was a simple movie night with friends, and now it was way past the time she promised she’d be home, and that meant in order to keep up this ruse, she had the sole goal of safely sneaking back into the shack, without getting caught.

Somewhere in the back of her head, a tiny voice-- that sounded oddly like her weary brother; her rationality-- replied: _why not just go through the front door? You know everyone’s asleep, right?_

To which she responded with a very eloquent: _But this is far more fun!_

To emphasize the fun of this daring escapade, she unhooked her grappling hook from off her short’s belt loops, and took aim at the rafters.

The Mystery shack had gone through some renovations over the last few years, what with the needed space for when Stan and Ford returned from their globetrotting monster hunt, and guest rooms for when the twins visited over the summer. Thanks to them saving the world back when they were 12, the mystery shack had been getting a lot of income-- a fact that showed no chance of slowing down anytime soon; enough so that Soos had added a third story, and additional rooms for everyone to live comfortably.

Soos created the newly master bedroom for him and Melody, Stan returned to his old room with better furniture, Ford took out all the portal stuff in the basement, renovating it into a comfortable living quarter, Soos’ old break room was given to his abuelita, and a new guest room was added so the twins-- now getting older, and definitely needing the space-- could have a room of their own. Mabel, of course, called dibs on the new room because it had better closet space, and the attic smelled old and musty; “It’s sad, riddled with awkward and sweaty, prepubescent stank,” she had said as her reasoning for wanting the new room, side eyeing her brother with a teasing smirk. Dipper had rolled his eyes and pushed her, but other than that, seemed content to keep the attic for himself; he said it was nostalgic. Honestly if he really wanted the new room, she would have gladly given it to him; she really didn’t want any wacky mishaps to come from fighting over a room again. But Dipper truly seemed fine with the decision, and so Mabel had been given the room.

It was a great room! ...The only problem was, it didn’t have a very big window. Not enough that she could squeeze comfortably through at her age. _What? With these womanly wiles? Puh-lease!._ Which was why she was currently standing outside the once attic-- _you can’t technically be called an attic if you’re no longer the highest room in the house_ \-- her brother’s room for the summer, trying to sneak in.

A quick glance at the darkened window soothed her fears-- for once, her brother was not up late in one of his many research binges and/or reading marathons. Usually she could detect some light if he were awake; even a flashlight’s beam would faintly reflect out the glass’s pane, so to see no signs of movement-- of scuffling-- was a very good sign. 

She had done this more than once before, so she was pretty confident in her abilities.

Squinting her eyes, she concentrated-- _tongue poking out of the side of her mouth_ \-- and fired. With perfect precision, her grappling hook hooked itself around the roof’s rafter, fastly secured.

Mentally high-fiving herself, she zipped up the line to the bedroom.

Now all she had to do was open the window, slink through his room undetected, and slip up the final stairwell without anyone catching her, and she’d be home free.

Honestly, this was as easy as Mabel Pie-- which Dipper forbade her from cooking anymore, due to what “he” claimed to be hazardous ingredients. What was so wrong about adding funfetti, pop rocks, gummy koalas, peach sherbet, and Maple Syrup to pie? Honestly, just because his cooking hadn’t given anyone indigestion or food poisoning did not make him the better cook. Jacks of their trade were experimental-- willing to go where no one else dared to tread! Mabel was a visionary.

“I’m unappreciated in my time,” Mabel mumbled, using her free hand to grab the bobby pin hidden within her massive fluff of hair. Then with the skill of someone who had done this more than once, and was getting quite adept at it -- who was also related to an ex-convict/ lovable shyster-- she picked the lock with ease, gently pushing the window open with the toe of her shoe. She’d gotten so good that the hinges didn’t even creak. 

_Hahaha, easy as Mabel Pie!_

She swung herself until her shoe landed with a soft thump on the window’s sill, and began to pull herself through.

“Hehehe, that tickles~” Came the breathy voice from the bed. 

Mabel rolled her eyes. It wasn’t often that her brother would sleep talk, but he had been known to do so in the past, often after days of insomnia. She continued to pull herself through his window, unperturbed, but stopped in her tracks when-- 

“I can’t help it, when you look like that-- so breathless, so desirable-- I find it hard not to lavish you in sweet surrender. I just want to listen to you laugh forever.”

_That was not her brother’s voice!_

Mabel froze in place, her eyes widening, face paling. No… _no way!_

She dreaded the glance over. Absolutely dreaded what came next-- but she had to be sure-- because there was no way, no way her brother--

She turned, slowly. Peeking, simply to confirm her suspicions.

Her brother was lying on the bed, arms wrapped around the shoulders of a slim, shirtless figure. All she could see of the other person was the tuft of dark hair, as said stranger latched themselves to her brother’s neck. Dipper’s head was angled to give the person more access, his cheeks pinkening, lips forming into an expression that Mabel could only describe as lovesick stupidity. It would be almost cute to see her brother so happy-- if she were witnessing it under much different circumstances.

A sigh, mixed with needy laughter left her brother’s mouth; he arched into the stranger, who reacted in kind, moaning low against her brother’s neck. 

_Thank the fucking lord they had a blanket covering their lower halves._ Mabel was blissfully spared from seeing anything more than their bare chests, which was already a bit too much in her mind--

_Her brother was in bed with another man. That man was on top of her brother. They were very clearly about to get up to….shenanigans! And she had walked right into the middle of it!_

“Wirt, quit teasing me. I want-- mmm I need you to put it in meh--” Dipper’s eyes fluttered, his gaze momentarily preoccupied by the person in his arms, until he saw a shadow shift in the moonlight, a figure stretching across his pale blue walls, and his eyes snapped to the window on high alert. For a moment, his body tensed in combative energy; whatever entity or monster was trying to disturb him had better fucking sign their death wish. _He was busy!_

Until his eyes met the familiar hazel amber of his twin’s. In which all protective, fighter reflex-- turned into pure, horrified flighter reflex. “--MABEL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY WINDOW???” His voice cracked in several different places.

The sudden panicked shout caused the man to lift his head from Dipper’s neck, eyes etched in concern. “Mason, woah, what’s--” He followed Dipper’s line of sight, his own eyes widening in fright at the stranger climbing through his boyfriend’s window. “WRONG?!!” His voice turned into a pitiful squeak, face blossoming a deep scarlet.

_Oh fuck!_

_OH FUCK!_

Mabel felt her hand on her grappling hook slipping. She opened her mouth to try to respond, to make some kind of introduction that might somehow make this less awkward for everyone. She was a very charming person, she could figure her way out of this. _This was fine-- it was fine! No! No, it was fine! They were fine! She just walked on in on her brother about to have sex-- no, seriously, it was okay! She was chill! This was just a silly oopsie doodle~ But don’t worry, she just had to smile and introduce herself and she could easily make this terrible nightmare into something resembling bearable! Just get inside and calmly explain yoursel--_

Her foot on the windowsill slid out from under her.

“Oh! Fuck!” Mabel shouted, tumbling back out the window.

\---

Lying in the bushes, blinking blearily at the stars above, her brother’s head came into view. His brow was furrowed in-- _thankfully_ \-- not anger, but rather concern.

She had just fallen out of a 2 story building, after all.

Mabel turned to look at him. “Hey...bro bro.”

“...Hey… you okay?”

Mabel lifted her hand, giving him a thumbs up to show she was okay. Of course...the thorns in her back weren’t very pleasant, and her ankle felt sore, but considering she fell out of a window, she could be doing a lot worse.

Dipper breathed a sigh of relief, rolling his eyes at his sister’s nonchalance to even falling out of a window, of all things.

He was dressed again; wearing a black wool sweater and pajama bottoms with dinosaurs on them. The dinosaurs were wearing helmets and driving rocket ships. _Awww, cute~! She had to ask Dipper where he bought those._ Although, on second glance, she noticed the cloth fell over his ankles, covering his feet, as if the pants were too long on him.

“So… you have a boyfriend?”

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks turning dark. “Uhm...y--yeah…”

Mabel stared at him for a long moment, before turning to look back at the starry sky above. “... _Huh!_ ” She finally said.

“Really, that’s it?”

“...Congratulations?”

Dipper pinched the bridge of his nose, grumbling, “You fucking dumbass-- What were you doing sneaking through my window!?”

“Had to get to my room,” she explained.

“Through my bedroom?!”

“Well I was out later than anticipated, so I needed to sneak inside.”

“Why didn’t you use the front door? Everyone’s asleep right now; no one would have even noticed.” _Oh there was rationality talking-- Mabel was correct in giving that part of her brain her brother’s voice._

“...Well then I wouldn’t get to use my grappling hook…” Mabel whined.

Dipper threw up his hands, “Mabel, that grappling hook does more harm than good!”

“It does plenty good for me.”

“--And it does mostly harm to me!”

Mabel shifted, the bush digging sharply into her back as she placed her hands on her hips, glaring softly up at her brother. “I just think you don’t believe in the power of my grappling hook-- and it is for that reason that you receive misfortune.”

“Yeah… and what about tonight?” Dipper hissed back.

Mabel paused, trying to think of an answer. After a moment, she finally said, “...Fair enough. Tonight the grappling hook betrayed both of us.”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “Mabel! Promise me that you aren’t going to sneak through my window again? Promise me!?”

“Man, the last few times I did this, you didn’t complain. I mean-- you’re were dead asleep so--”

“YOU’VE DONE THIS BEFORE???!!!”

Mabel huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. “Yeah, and it worked out fine-- there was no mental scarring to be had... so really, who’s fault is it for changing it up and having a sexy sleepover? Hmmm? I think you’re the one to blame here, mister-should-have-been-a-virgin-till-he-died. You just had to go and get laid, didn’t you?”

Dipper looked appalled. “...Are you slut shaming me right now, Mabel Pines? You broke into my room, walked in on my private moment with my boyfriend, and now you have the audacity to blame me for your breaking and entering? I will revoke your feminism license!”

Mabel’s eyes widened; she made her bottom lip tremble. “No! I have a certified patch and everything! I knitted it into my Fight Like A Girl pullover!”

“Yeah, well now you don’t get it anymore! It’s been revoked! Turn in your sweater and brass knuckles-- you get them back when you learn to behave properly.” Dipper crossed his arms, huffing indignantly.

“Dip-n-Dots, Nooooooo! Please, I only tease you mercilessly because I love youuuuuuuuu!”

“You deserve these rose bushes-- this is where you live now. You might be sweet on the outside, but you’re as prickly as the thorns currently jabbing you in your sides-- and I no longer feel pity for you.”

“You wound me brother. You wound me...like these bushes wound my sides. And the window wounded me when I fell out of it. That’s how much you’ve wounded me with your words.” 

The two stared at one other, their back-and-forth betrayed by the teasing, endeared smiles, quickly spreading across their faces. Within seconds, they were laughing. 

“Heheh….heh...but seriously Mabel, sneaking into my room is not okay. Like...don’t do it again.” 

Mabel threw up her hands, scattering rose petals and thorns that had been clinging to her arms. “Well I didn’t realize you were having company over! Hell, I didn’t even realize you were dating!” Once more Mabel paused as the information sunk in, “Wow...you’re dating.”

Dipper nodded, their early bantering subdued. “...yea.”

“Is he nice? I mean...does he treat you nicely?”

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck, and Mabel watched his already reddened cheeks darkening. And there-- there was that stupidly lovesick smile he was trying to keep down. “Yea… he’s. He’s super sweet. He’s… he’s great.”

“Awww, I’m happy! I’m happy for you two.”

“Thanks, Mabs.”

“....He seems like he cares a lot. I mean, he seemed very attentive to yo--”

Dipper balked. “Mabel, stop!”

“I’m just saying, from the 2 seconds I saw him, he seemed like a very considerate lover--”

“I’m going to kick you if you don’t stop talking!”

“Alright, alright. Geez, I’m just trying to be supportive! Sister approves of your thotty choices.”

“Oh my god.”

“By the way, where is mister mystery right now?”

Dipper looked behind him, checking for any signs of said boyfriend, before turning back to answer, “I told him to go get a first aid kit while I went down to check on you, but I’m guessing he’s working up the nerve to face you again. He was a little rattled by the whole ‘sister in the window’ thing.”

“Awww, it’s okay, tell him I don’t bite… okay, once, but I totally thought that girl was a vampire.”

“Oh god, please don’t bring up Drusilla.”

“She even had a vampiress name! Drusilla, that’s the name of a woman out for blood. Like, you have to admit, it was a suspicious name-- almost as suspicious as Norman.”

“This is why I don’t like telling you who I’m dating. Because you bite them….or climb through my window at 1am when I’m trying to be alone with them.”

“I’d just thought I’d bite her to like... let her know. Like ‘Hey don’t bite my brother and drink his blood without his consent. How would you like if I bit you without your consent-- wouldn’t like it very much, huh?’ I didn’t think she would get so offended.”

“Offended… she… she didn’t get offended, she--” Dipper closed his mouth, unsure if he wanted to continue or not. The memory seemed like a sore spot for him.

Mabel cocked her head to the side, curious when he’d cut himself off. “What? She wasn’t offended? But she got all red faced, and suddenly said she had to leave, and then she broke up with you. I thought for sure she was mad.”

“She definitely broke up with me that night, but it wasn’t because of you. I mean it was-- but like, not in the way you’d think. She wasn’t upset-- in fact she….ugh… god, I’m so embarrassed telling you this now. After she broke up with me, she asked if you were single, and wanted me to give you her number.”

“Oh... _ouch_.”

Dipper crossed his arms, shoulders hunched. “ _Yeah_ … you can see why I was kind of pissed.”

“The silent treatment makes a lot more sense, yes.”

“Sorry, I know it wasn’t your fault. ...Not intentionally.”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry bro bro.” Mabel reached up and patted his knee, as that was all she could reach in her position. _She should really think about getting up soon_ . “You know I would have never gone out with her. Like that’s not cool, to break up with you, just so she could ask me out. And like, that’s a little crazy right? To break up with you, and immediately ask for my number, after I bit her.”

"Yeah, I also found that a little strange.”

“Honestly, you dodged a bullet with that one.”

“I think so.”

“And now you have a cuter, nicer, probably-not-a-vampire boyfriend! ...Who I will not bite by the way.”

“Please don’t bite him.”

“I will not bite... unless he’s being a jerkface. I make no promises if he upsets you.”

Dipper rolled his eyes, but the smile was ever present. “We talk out our problems like normal, well functioning adults, but if he ever cheats on me-- I’ll sic him on you.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“...He’s not going to, by the way. I didn’t want to put the idea in your head that he’s untrustworthy.”

Mabel nodded. “No, I know. You're all about trust, so if you’re dating someone, I know you have a lot of faith in them.”

“Yeah, thanks. I-- yeah. I really like him. He’s-- well I don’t want to gush.”

“Awwwww, gush! Gush! Show me that 200 step list.”

“I did not make a 200 step list.”

“...”

“...it was 20 steps, which is a huge improvement!”

Mabel clapped her hands, scattering more petals. Man, maybe it was just her back going numb from the pain, but she was actually getting quite comfortable in these rose bushes. “Yes, there’s my disaster bi brother! Hahaha, fuel me with tales of your embarrassing courtship. How did you woo him? Was it adorable? Was it awkward? Was it adorably awkward?”

Dipper huffed, “You know what? Speaking of bisexual disasters-- so? Dating Pacifica, are we?”

Mabel froze, eyes going comically wide. “Wh-what?” She stammered, and suddenly, it was like they had switched places. Dipper grinning devilishly down at her, while her face turned multiple shades of red.

“That’s why you’re late coming home right? You were out with Pacifica?”

“Uhhhhhh…”

“You two are dating, aren’t you?”

“Wh-whuuuuuuut? What are you talking about? You’re ackin’ cray cray, bro bro.”

Dipper lifted an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed by her attempts of misdirection.

Finally, Mabel conceded, slumping deeper into the shrubbery. “How did you figure it out?”

“While I was getting dressed, I caught a faint whiff of something familiar. I didn’t realize until I came outside what it was I was smelling. You smell like the expensive perfume Pacifica wears. Like oranges and champagne.”

“You recognize her perfume?”

“We’re best friends-- she wears it all the time; it’d be impossible not to recognize it. And I don’t know… it’s nice. It’s nice perfume.”

Mabel squinted her eyes. “Back off bro bro. She had character development with me first!”

Dipper smirked, “Really?”

“Does this look like the face of a joking woman?”

“Yes, Mabel. I’m clearly trying to steal your girlfriend from you. You know how just seconds ago I was about to sleep with my boyfriend-- all a ruse! A clever deception to steal Pacifica for myself!”

“You greedy bisexual-- the homophobes were right.”

Dipper snorted, choking on a laugh. “You’re stupid.”

“I’m _lovably_ stupid.” Mabel grinned, dissolving into laughter alongside her brother.

After a moment, Mabel then asked, “Was it really just that-- you noticed I had her perfume on me? I mean, how do you know we weren’t just hanging out? I’m a cuddly girl-- I could have gotten her perfume on me, simply from hugging her? It is very nice, smelling perfume, after all.”

Dipper nodded in agreement, “True, true.” Then he pointed to her chest, with an all knowing smirk. “The second clue is the fact that you left the house, wearing one of your trademark sweaters, but now it’s missing.”

Mabel looked down. Sure enough, she was only in a purple t-shirt and shorts-- her wacky sweater was nowhere to be found. And now that she thought about it-- there was a bit of a nip in the air. But that was the less pressing matter. “So my sweater’s missing-- how does that clue you into the fact that me and Pacifica are dating?”

“Well--” Dipper scratched his cheek. “Again, it’s more of a guess; you could have lost it-- or got it dirty.”

“I could have!” Mabel agreed.

“But you didn’t,” Dipper continued.

Mabel didn’t respond, which meant Dipper was on the right track.

“Considering you smell like her, and your sweater is missing-- I assume you gave it to her for the night...maybe a way to remember you by? Maybe she wore it? And maybe she wanted to keep it, until she saw you next?”

Mabel gasped, “Okay, now that’s scary good deduction. What are you, Sherlock Holmes? How did you know that?”

Dipper looked down at the floor, and his sudden confidence melted into something far more reserved. Even, bashful. “I just… I figured...she’d want something that smelled like you-- maybe something familiar… like a sweater...or uhm... something. Something comforting-- just a nice... reminder.”

Mabel glanced at the black wool sweater. It suddenly dawned on her that Dipper didn’t pack any sweaters-- why would he? Only she was crazy enough to wear a sweater during summer vacation. Even on cold nights-- on potential rainy days, Dipper had only packed a single hoodie-- nothing more. Any cool climate clothes was excessive, he had told her, as he zipped up his suitcase. So where did this nice, black, wool sweater come from-- with the sleeves just a tad too long, and the hem ending just at his thighs. Clearly too big on him.

She glanced down, once more noting that the pajama bottoms he was wearing were bunched around his feet.

It clicked.

“ _Oh._ ”

Dipper shuffled in place, rubbing his cheeks-- trying to force the flush away.

“Awww, _Dipper._ ” Her brother could be soft about many things-- though he tried desperately to deny it. She found this revelation to be oddly touching. Deep down, he was a romantic at heart-- and far more sensitive than people gave him credit for.

“I-- uh-- don’t. It’s uhm-- fine. This was supposed to be my turn to tease you-- why am _I_ the one flustered again?”

Mabel once more reached up to pat his knee. 

A soft voice drew their attention away. “You okay, hon?”

Mabel glanced over to see the man Dipper had been with. Even upside down, she could see he was tall, with a handsome face, and shy smile. She got a very gentle, a very kind soul from him. In an attempt to steer their conversation away from the overly personal-- a way to soothe her brother’s frazzled nerves-- she attempted more comedy; when it doubt, hit ‘em with the ol’ _Mabel_ _razzle dazzle_. “Oh shit! You’re hot.”

“Mabel!”

“Damn, okay! How the hell did you score him? Like, no offense bro bro. You’re maybe a 7.5 on a good day, but this guy’s like an 11!”

“What the fuck? I’m not 7.5! I’m a 9 on a good day!”

“Ummm,” The man said, glancing between the twins.

“Let’s stop kidding ourselves, Dipper. Maybe an 8-- if you showered more.”

“I shower!” Dipper turned to address his boyfriend,” Wirt, I shower-- I swear. She’s just being annoying, please ignore everything out of her mouth.” He turned back to Mabel, hissing, “I hope you’re in so much pain right now!”

Mabel ignored her brother. “So, Wirt? What a unique name. _Can’t tell if it’s vampir-y or not_. But it’s a good name-- it fits you very well. Like a 19th century male romantic lead. Just prim and proper-- a gentlemanly kind of charming. Gosh, you are tall-- like 5’10”? 6 feet? You are just... _legs_. Long, sexy legs, in a pair of well hemmed jeans. Oh, I’m--- wow, is it hot out here? These darn summer nights.”

“Hey, what the hell happened to ‘don’t touch my girlfriend, Dipper?’ Why the hell are _you_ flirting? You're taken!”

“Because I too am a greedy bisexual, duh!” Mabel teased. Of course she had not intentions of leaving Paz, and her 'flirting' was all a harmless jest; she just enjoyed riling up her overly serious brother.

Dipper lightly kicked her arm. “Wirt, we’re leaving her. She’s sleeping here tonight!”

“Noooo, Dipper, wait! Come back! ...Actually. You can go, but leave your hot boyfriend here.” She batted her eyes playfully at Wirt, “I promised Dipper I wouldn’t bite you, but I didn’t realize you were going to be such a snacc!”

“I’ve missed something, haven’t I?” Wirt said, still watching the twins in uncertainty.

Dipper kicked her arm, harder than the first. “Just my sister being the absolute worst.”

Mabel winced and pulled her arm away, rubbing the tender skin. “Nope, I’m clearly the best!”

“Say goodnight to Mabel, Wirt. Let’s go back to bed.” 

“Wait, no. I’m kidding! Pleaseeeee! These bushes are actually starting to feel nice, which means I’m probably losing feeling in my back.”

Dipper paused. He glanced at Mabel, and his annoyance waned upon seeing her. She was still tangled up in brambles, legs splayed awkwardly-- in a way that looked painfully uncomfortable. And she was bleeding, just a little, from the many sharp thorns piercing her exposed skin. It didn't help that she was giving him her most helpless expression-- which considering her predicament, was fairly genuine. With a sigh, Dipper turned to Wirt. “Will you help me pull her out?”

Wirt took one step in-- _with those long legs, crossing the distance was nothing_ \-- reaching out his free hand, to take Mabel’s left hand, while Dipper grabbed her right; together, they pulled her to her feet.

“Haha, freedom!” Mabel cheered, before crumbling against her brother’s side, wincing. “Ow!”

“Mabel! ...You okay?” Dipper asked, supporting her with his weight.

“I think I twisted my ankle?”

“Let’s get you to the porch. I’ll take a look,” Wirt offered. He rested his other hand on her shoulder, and the two guided her to the front door. 

Seating her on the porch’s couch, Wirt knelt down, and began examining her ankle, moving it this way and that, “It’s starting to swell. Does it hurt?”

Mabel winced, nodding when he began to push her foot back.

Wirt eased up. He turned to Dipper, asking, “Kitten, will you grab me some ice?”

Mabel wiggled her eyebrows. “Yeah kitten, get your sexy doctor boyfriend some ice.”

Dipper glared, but strode off to retrieve the ice. But not before giving Mabel the ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. Mabel rolled her eyes, and shooed him away with a flick of her wrist.

Turning back to Wirt, she tossed him a playful wink. Really, she was only teasing. “Thanks, Dr. Wirt.”

“Oh, I’m not a doctor, I work at a library. I’m just-- I’m used to protecting people. I like being helpful, and it’s good to know your way around a med kit-- especially if you’re dating Dipper Pines.” Wirt mumbled offhandedly, flushing nervously, as he took out the gauze from the first aid kit. 

Mabel smiled. _Oh he was a gem._ “Hey-- just in case it wasn’t clear-- I’m a little brash sometimes, but I never mean any harm. I’m kind of loud, kind of annoying, I can act all flirty-- maybe tease a little more than necessary-- but that level of Mabel brand weirdness is a sign of trust. Basically I’m saying, all joking aside, I like you. I have a good feeling about you.”

“You just met me,” Wirt cocked his brow, his lips forming the smallest of smirks.

“Yeah, but I’m great at judging people.”

“Didn’t you get kidnapped by gnomes when you were 12?”

“...I’ve gotten better at judging people. Hey, are you trying to make me regret trusting you?”

Wirt laughed, and Mabel found his laugh, which was uncharacteristically childlike, to be extremely comforting. “No, no. I just. Dipper said you were very friendly, very open to making new friends. He said that was one of your star qualities-- your big heart.”

“He’s talked about me to you?”

“He loves you. You’re like his favorite person. I’d be worried if he never mentioned you.”

Mabel pressed her hand to her heart, touched. “Awww.” Now she felt a little guilty about all the teasing. She promised to ease back… for tonight. “Yeah, you’re one of the good ones. I mean, anyone who makes my brother smile like that is good company. He’s my favorite person too, so to know that he trusts you-- well that just solidifies your good nature. Dipper’s kind of prickly when it comes to relationships, but like, don’t let him fool you-- he’s a romantic at heart. He falls pretty fast, and pretty hard-- so the fact you got his attention is like, well, that’s a huge thing. ”

Wirt smiled, “Yeah? I… I’m trying. I like him a lot, so I want to make a good impression, especially to his family.”

“Our first impression was a little awkward, wasn’t it?”

Wirt grimaced, his cheeks turning dark as he remembered.

Mabel stuck out her hand. “How about we make _this_ our first impression? How do you do, Wirt? I’m Mabel Pines-- I’m the creative, kooky, just a tad more destructive twin.”

Wirt was thankful for the second chance. He reached out, giving her hand a firm shake. “How do you do? I’m Wirt, I’m Dipper’s boyfriend. I’m a poet, with a penchant for talking to myself, and wearing two different colored shoes-- at first because I was in a rush, and put on the wrong pair, but now I do it because I think it’s charming. I like books, DND, and video games-- Sci fi and Mystery being my favorite genres-- and I basically introduced myself to your brother by having a conversation that lasted 6 hours about ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events.’”

“Oh wow, 6 hours? That must have been one shitty event for you two to complain about it that long.”

“Oh, uhm. No-- it’s-- it's a book series.”

“Ahh, nerd shit.”

Wirt laughed, “Yes, we often lapse into hour long discussions about nerd shit. It’s riveting-- I could spend centuries just listening to him ramble, even if sometimes his opinions are delightfully wrong. Like saying Sierra’s Point and Click adventures are clearly superior to LucasArts. Adorable, but clearly he’s insane-- as if moon logic puzzles and save scumming is vastly superior. Yes, their titles are classics; I would even say King's Quest is a personal favorite of mine. I’m not saying they’re hot garbage, but to think that making one mistake locks you out of a later part of the game-- practically ruins all future progression, and you have to start from an earlier file-- _unless you saved over it_ \-- making you start from the beginning, is _somehow_ better game design, is a joke!”

Mabel was grinning from ear to ear. She had no clue what he was talking about, but she knew Dipper would be invested in a heartbeat. She could imagine the heated discussion, her brother’s face as he argued his points, his nose scrunched haughtily. But she could also imagine the two being absolutely smitten, hanging onto each other’s every word as they discussed which game was better. Could see them fighting smiles off their faces as they tried to be the clear winner, but we’re failing miserably over their own enjoyment, until the two had replaced debate with de-date. “Yes, I think you’re wonderful for my brother.”

Wirt blushed, preening slightly at her praise. “Thank you. I like to think I’m doing a good job.”

Just then, Dipper returned. “Here-- how’s our chatty, frustratingly-annoying patient?”

Wirt took the ice, and then, in a bold move that even Mabel didn’t see coming, leaned up to peck Dipper on the lips. “Thanks, you’re the best. She’ll feel a lot better with this.”

“I--- uhm---ha--- Y-you’re welc--welcome.” Dipper stuttered. He could have melted into a puddle with how hot his cheeks were burning.

Wirt took the gauze and wrapped a protective barrier around the ice, before pressing it to Mabel’s ankle, and wrapping. “That way it’s not directly touching your skin. Should be more of a cooling sensation, rather than burning cold. How’s the wrapping, not too tight?”

Mabel was thankful for the barrier. “It’s good. I can still move my foot, though I should probably stay off it as best I can.”

“Would be generally advised,” Wirt said, cutting the bandage and taping it down.

“Thanks, not-a-doctor-Wirt.”

“You’re welcome, crazy lady who climbs through windows that aren’t hers.”

Mabel snorted, “Oh he’s funny. Remind me again how you wooed him? I’m still trying to figure out this whole thing.”

Dipper pouted, pulling from his back pocket a bag containing colorful candies. “And to think, I grabbed these for you for being a good patient. Now I’m not sure you’ve earned them--”

Mabel gasped, “Dipper, no--”

“--Guess I’ll have to eat these gummy koala’s all by myself.”

“Dipper, don’t do this to me. Please, I fell out of a window!”

“And who’s fault was that?”

Mabel paused, unable to resist another smart aleck reply. “I know you want me to say me, but I don’t like admitting I’m wrong, so--”

Dipper popped open the bag and shoved three gummy koala’s in his mouth.

“NO! IT WAS MY FAULT! I’M SORRY! I PROMISE I’LL STOP BEING A BUTT! JUST GIMME MY GUMMY KOALAS. THE GREEN ONE’S ARE THE BEST!”

Dipper specifically removed a green gummy and held it precariously over his opened mouth.

“I WON’T CLIMB THROUGH YOUR WINDOW ANYMORE! I’ll leave you and your adorable boyfriend to your late night shenanigans-- no more breaking and entering for me! The bush was incentive enough! Now please, spare my gummy’s.”

Dipper dropped the green hostage back into the bag, and, satisfied with her answer, handed her the bag. She swiped it up, and began shoveling gummy’s in her mouth, as if they might be taken from her again.

“Didn’t I tell you she was a lot?” Dipper said to Wirt.

Wirt shrugged, closing the first aid kit, and standing. “I’m starting to get the hang of dealing with your brand of weird. It’s fun. I’m having fun.”

Dipper huffed, “You say that now, after only 3 months--”

"And what an exciting 3 months it's been-- You certainly keep me on my toes; I didn't think I'd find dating to be so invigorating, and so audacious. I'm excited for what adventures are in store, what's sure to come while I'm with you, Mason Pines. I can't imagine how our 1 year anniversary is going to look," Wirt replied, smiling down at his boyfriend with only the fondest of affection. His eyes were dancing with the thrill of life; vibrant and dauntless. He knew what he was getting into, and instead of running away from the adventurer, he seemed ready to chase after him-- down a long, altering road-- promising peril and turbulence. But plenty of pleasantries too. 

That's what Wirt was chasing.

Dipper blushed, mumbling, "1 year" with an almost wistful sigh.

Mabel suddenly interrupted, surprised by the new information, “Wait 3 months-- I mean, I knew it had to have been some time, but you kept him hidden for 3 months? You? Kept him hidden for 3 months? How? How did I not notice?”

Dipper shrugged, “I don’t tell you everything.” Oh how familiar those words were-- Dipper was clever, to turn her words back on her like that. 

“Well, color me impressed.”

“And I would have gotten away with it a lot longer, if it weren’t for my meddling sister--”

“--and her dumb grappling hook,” Wirt jumped in, as if on cue. 

Dipper smiled.

Watching their interactions, the way they bounced off each other; the clear admiration and fondness in Dipper’s eyes-- a fondness that was wholeheartedly returned, Mabel couldn’t help feel happy for her brother. Also nausea-- they were entirely too mushy, which was saying something for the love queen herself. “Alright, well it’s late-- and I need to go upstairs, and pick spare thorns out of my body, before passing out. If you boys wouldn’t mind helping a damsel up to her room.”

Dipper rolled his eyes, but tucked her arm over his shoulder, helping her stand. “You’re so dramatic. Just grovel in peace like the rest of us.”

“I have a flair for theatrics!” Mabel flipped back her hair, smacking Dipper in the face with it.

“Ahhh! Bleh! Mabel, there’s thorns in there, you’re going to poke my freakin’ eye out.”

“Whoops! Sorry bro bro.”

“Wirt, help me get her to bed. I want her out of my hair--”

“Hey, I’m a delight!”

“Not at 2 in the morning! Jesus, where’s your snooze button?”

“Ask Pacifica.”

Dipper glared. “Would you like to go back into the bush?”

Mabel considered it. “Not really.”

“Then zip it!”

Wirt rolled his eyes, and stepped in front of Mabel. “You two are going to banter all night at this rate, and as enjoyable as your back and forth is, I think we should call it a night, before any more craziness happens.” He crouched down. “Get on. I’ll carry you.”

Mabel squealed, jumping right into Wirt’s arms. He groaned, and it took a moment, but he eventually stood, Mabel securely clinging to his back.

“It’s my dream come true. I’m a gummy koala.”

Dipper pouted. “Now you’ve done it, she’s going to demand piggybacks from you forever now.”

“It’s so high up-- is this what being tall is like? It’s amazing! I never want to be short again!”

Wirt shrugged. “Ehh, it’s kind of like dealing with Greg-- just a more fully grown, but somewhat less mature Greg. Kind of makes me homesick.”

“Well, don’t spoil her too much. She’s got enough of an ego-- anymore attention and she’ll pop.”

Wirt leaned closer, whispering in his boyfriend’s ear, “Don’t worry-- I’m not going to neglect spoiling you.”

Dipper choked on his spit, sputtering. “N--no! What? Shut up! No! It has nothing to do with that.”

Wirt chuckled, “I’m kidding. Besides, you know the way I spoil you is different.”

Dipper looked like a ripened tomato, his pout adorably indignant. 

“I’m being attacked on both sides-- betrayed by my sister, and now my boyfriend! I don’t deserve this!”

“It’s called making a good impression.” Wirt glanced behind him, winking to the girl on his back. Mabel and him shared a smile that was downright Cheshire-- to the point Dipper was nervous they had practiced in the short time he’d been gone. 

_Oh no, introducing them had been a mistake!_

“Oh, I can’t wait for the rest of the family to meet you,” Mabel said, ruffling Wirt’s already mussed hair.

Dipper interjected, “No, this is-- I’m not ready for that! Mabel, promise you won’t say anything-- let me introduce him to everyone first. _Please_. I need time to prepare and I’m just-- I was already working up the nerve to introduce him to you-- and I don’t want a repeat of tonight. I don’t need another unexpected introduction so like-- please, please don’t say anything. Let me handle this. I need you to let me do this, okay?”

She sensed the desperation in his voice, and could tell that this wasn’t playful panicking-- he was serious. “Okay-- I won’t. I promise. To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out a way to introduce Pacifica Northwest as my girlfriend-- you know Grunkle Stan and Ford aren’t the biggest fans of her parents; I mean, who is? So like, I get it. Your secret rendezvous is safe with me.”

Dipper sighed in relief at her promise. “Thanks, Mabel. And you know I won’t say a thing either.”

Mabel nodded, thankful for the same consideration. “I’m sure they’ll love him, by the way.” She patted Wirt’s head, addressing him, “They’ll love you. They act all scary, but they’re big ol softies.”

“Mabel, they’re pretty intimidating. Stan’s been to jail multiple times, has bashed zombie heads in with brass knuckles and a baseball bat, and once punched a pterodactyl in the face-- with his bare hands. And Ford is a war criminal in several multiverses, with knowledge to unimaginable horrors, unspeakable to man.”

Noticing the loss of color quickly leaving Wirt’s face, Dipper tried to salvage the damage, “But but-- yeah, Mabel’s right. They’re… they’re sweet, so long as you stay on their good side. And you’re super nice-- I’m sure they’ll like you.”

“Haaaah! Okay! No! No, it’s fine! I can totally do this! I just gotta be myself….” Wirt looked like he was going to puke.

“Well I like you-- and Stan values my opinion, so you’ve got one leg up. And once Ford sees how happy you make Dipper-- he’ll probably ease off the third degree.”

“Hhah--hnk!” Wirt swallowed, looking ill. He quickly shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “Well-- that’s… let’s worry about that later. Right now, bed. Bed for all of us. Let’s get you to your room, and pull some of those thorns out. We can worry about meeting the rest of your family later-- that’s a problem for future Wirt to stress over.”

Dipper and Mabel nodded their agreement. To both adventures, the prospect of falling asleep, after an interesting-- hectic-- night, was music to their ears.

As Dipper opened the front door to let Wirt carry Mabel inside, he glanced up at his sister, and spoke, “Hey, Mabel?”

The time was starting to catch up with her, her eyelids beginning to droop. “Hmmm, yeah?”

“I didn’t say it earlier, but congrats. With Pacifica. She’s kind of a bitch, drives me up the wall sometimes-- but she’s come a long way from where we started, and I’m glad you two are together. I think you guys make a cute couple. You both work well off each other-- so, uhm. Yeah. Congratulations sis.”

Mabel smiled sleepily down at her brother, head bobbing. “Thank you. I’m really happy for you too. This one-- this tall giant who smells like laundry detergent and cinnamon… he’s nice. I think you two make a cute couple, and I really hope he’ll stick around.”

Dipper glanced at Wirt, who smiled warmly in return, before stepping through the quiet, darkened entryway. 

“Yeah, me too.” Dipper whispered, before shutting the door.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. I guess I just wanted awkward meetings-- and I was like, you know what? I totally bet Mabel would accidentally walk in on her brother because she was breaking in through his window at 2am. 
> 
> Like so often people write Dipper getting into trouble, doing something illegal-- but like Mabel is such a mini Stan, so chaotic and full of crime; the one always getting up to shenanigans is definitely her. She would totally break in somewhere, simply for the fun of it. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope this story wasn't too awkward-- I tried to balance humor with heart, and while I didn't want to shy away from awkwardness of walking in on your sibling, I hope I didn't make it too uncomfortable. This was just supposed to be a silly idea of Mabel meeting and learning about Wirt in the most inconvenient way possible.
> 
> And also Dipper sleuthing out Mabel's own budding relationship with one Pacifica Northwest. I'm always implying Dipper and Paz being best friends because Dipper needs a friend his own age, and they would be such sassy queer best friends-- just always lovingly shit talking each other, but deep down they super care. I have plans for writing Dipper and Paz hanging out-- including a Pinescone driven story with their friendship in the forefront, so look forward to that in the coming future. 
> 
> Mainly I just wanted awkward siblings who love each other, bantering back and forth.


End file.
